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| 8:56PM Tue 6/12/2007 |
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I feel as though I owe it to my invisible LJ audience, or maybe just for old times sake, to update this thing on my life.
So I got a job in Sausalito. For those of you who are near clueless, that's the Bay area of California. It's north of the Golden Gate. I'm in the process of planning out my house hunting trip... Which is looking bleak. Trying to figure out whether we should drive it or fly it... Flying is friggin expensive and driving is friggin slow. I wouldn't mind driving 8 hrs or so but unfortunately time is a bit limited... Anyway I'm sure it will work out.
The title of the job is Software Engineering - Web Services for a subdivision of Garmin International. For those of you still near clueless, they do GPS stuff. The subdivision I'm working for is in charge of getting personal GPS unit info to the internet... Like when you want to track your data of where you've been, how fast you were going, etc. I'm really excited about it and the decision to go with them was a tough one but I am happy now. Obviously relocating is a huge thing, but I think it will open up doors of opportunity that aren't here in San Diego. Also, the people I met there were awesome. The plan is to find a place to live next weekend, move the weekend after that, and then start working the day after that. So everything should be all done by July 2nd.
Overall, I am a happy camper. We're in the middle of finals week, and I've been a little worried about getting all my credits in but it look hopeful. I've slacked off most of the weekend and the past couple weekdays, as normal, and will be cramming like shit for the next 10 hours... Got my COGS final at 8am tomorrow and my Security final at 3pm.
Will be re-introduced to the long term relationship, this one will be the longest one (in terms of time and distance) in my experience. I don't know how it's going to go... But I am hopeful. We've been doing the LA to SD thing for 3 months now... As if a transition period to get adjusted to later life. It's been great when we see each other, and it's been all right when we don't. The only thing you can do at times like this is wait and see...
I realized today how much I've adapted to SD. How much it's become a part of me without me even realizing it. How much the people have become a part of me, too. And how that part will be left here once I move. God things will be different. I can't really see it now and frankly don't want to. My biggest fear is that I'll move, hate it there, have no friends, and want to come back. Seems irrational though.
Anyway it's time to hit the books and the junk food. I brought the Vons junk food aisle back to my place last night and am in the process of relocating it into my tummy. |
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listen to 2 others before you say anything. |
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| 5 months, huh. Can't believe it. |
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| 6:21AM Fri 2/16/2007 |
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I konked out with the lights on and the heater running all night. He must've turned the light off for me, but left the heater on.
I woke up at 5AM, choking and sweating.
Went to the bathroom, was too fearful of killing my eyes in sudden light so walked around in darkness.
Read LJ for the first time in months.
5:55 and someone's alarm goes off.
I read more LJs.
6:03 and apparently that person hit snooze because it goes off again.
My phone snoozes for 8 minutes, too. What's great about 8 minutes.
I eagerly await weekend. Feel as though it's my first weekend of fun all quarter. The rest has just been being stressed out by overloading myself. And looking for jobs after grad.
Sounds typical but I can't envision myself in norcal or east coast, even though I say to others that it's a possibility I will be working/living in those places. I only see myself in La Jolla. But then I don't want to be here. Plus there will be nothing here for me to stay for.
For some reason the feeling of looking at life collectively and seeing the similar details of people is sort of an addiction. It seems to be part of what makes life interesting. Similiarities and differences, of course. But there's something in knowing that there is some sort of common experience going on and I don't really want to describe it any futher.
The birds are squawking now, and not singing. |
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say anything. |
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| ellipse |
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| 6:44AM Fri 9/29/2006 |
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But see, this is wherein the trouble lies. I start doubting my ability to have a healthy sense of protection against evil, and then I let my guard down. I am constructing my card castle with too much ease and with too much concern. I focus too much on the steadiness of my hands, that I lose track of where they are and the whole thing topples over. Just that touch. Delicate touch.
I've been telling a certain someone recently that I am feeling relentless. I think more accurately, it is my heart that is relentless. My mind keeps telling it to stop, to cease, to beat but not flutter, yet it is relentless. It is stubborn. It is happily stubborn.
I don't know how to discern my feelings anymore. But did I really ever? Is anyone fully sure of their feelings at all times? Isn't life just a big question of how we feel, and testing waters to see if it's real? And experiencing scenarios that either solidify our initial guesses or elicit new ones?
Ah, but love and the adventure of it is always thrilling. It never really gets old. Even when you tell yourself that you are over the phase, it lingers, deep. If anything is abysmal, it is love. |
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listen to 1 other before you say anything. |
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| 12:38AM Thu 3/9/2006 |
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music: Badly Drawn Boy - Once Around The Block
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Wow. For the life of me, I can't seem to focus on anything but mindlessness. Seriously. Yesterday was a Tuesday and all I did after I came back from school was play with Jo and his friends.
Here's the one and only pic captured by my camera of Jo during his visit to SD from Penn, taken at the bowling alley but you could never tell:
Today I haven't touched any of my assignments... And it's 9th week and finals week is inching closer...
I find myself envying more and more the people in my Poli and Cogs courses. These people complain and whine about really petty assignments. Do you know what it's like to toil over a freaking program for literally 40 hours of the week?!!? Every week?? ARRRR. Speaking of CS, our current assignment in 141 is to simulate cache memory in C or Java. I haven't even freaking started. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm blissfully running away from productivity and choosing immediate happiness in exchange for long-term sanity.
I need to stop whining.
So yesterday Jo and I stopped by Sam Goody while we were strolling UTC 'cause I'd always wanted to visit ever since seeing their going out of business sale (going out of sale business!) sign. I started grabbing handfuls of CDs at a time, and eventually weeded it down to 3. Count Basie, Nina Simone, and KEANE. Oh my gosh... Keane. Thank you Jo.
Yes. Nina Simone was inspired by the movies Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. Made 10 years apart. With Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy, a French actress? Anyway, they were good. Both movies basically follow them around first Vienna and then Paris and capture their very real conversations about life in general. It was refreshing in a way, because you don't find many movies that have so much dialogue, or focus on dialogue alone. And of course romance is always a plus.
Boston in 3 weeks. And the excitement grows.
Occasionally I get these really random, somewhat sadistic but mostly explorative thoughts while I'm out and about. An example would be in the bus, and I wonder what would happen if the driver chose to drive off of the assigned route and instead take us all to some unknown land or something. I start making up stories and imagining what the passengers would be like. Yes, it's all great and wonderful.
Something smells like nasty over-smelling chips in here.
This is one of my 72-hour straight theme songs. Seriously... I don't know how to explain my compulsive music disorder. But what happens is if I find the right song (by unknown standards), I start listening to it and it alone for at least 72 hours. Okay maybe it's not playing for 72 hours but for 72 hours, the only music I will listen to when I'm listening to music is that song. So this is one of them. "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz is another. "Yubiwa" was another one, but that was way back in sophomore year of high school or something. More recently, "Ordinary People" was another one of 'em. "Sailing" was another. "Lighted Up", "Feels Like Home". I don't know what the recipe is for songs like this. And I don't know why it's even worth noting.
And yeah. I'm definitely going to live in a city with character. |
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listen to 9 others before you say anything. |
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| this is too cute. |
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| 10:18PM Fri 1/13/2006 |
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Romance Masterclass.
It's Wednesday the 12th of February. It's early evening. Margret and I are sitting in the living room. Margret has asked me to do something the following day.
Mil: 'I can't, I'm afraid. I'm going into town.'
Margret: 'Why? What do you need to go to town for?'
Mil: 'Oh, I have to get some stuff.'
Margret: 'What stuff?'
Mil: 'Just some stuff... things.'
Margret: 'What things?'
Mil: 'Various things.'
Margret: 'What things?'
Mil: 'What does it matter?'
Margret: 'What things?'
Mil: 'It's not important what specific things, is it? I have to get things or I wouldn't be cycling into town, would I? All that's relevant here is that I have to go, not the details of the individual items I need to get - there's no point wasting time giving you a big list, when the only significant point is that I need to go to town.'
Margret: 'What things?'
Mil: 'Oh, for Christ's sake... Pizzas. I need to buy some pizzas, OK?'
Margret: 'We've got pizzas.'
Mil: 'We've got a pizza.'
Margret: 'So? How many do you need?'
Mil: 'Several. I want to have several in the fridge.'
Margret: 'Why?'
Mil: 'So that we have a stock of them.'
Margret: 'Why?'
Mil: 'So that we don't run out, obviously.'
Margret: 'What would happen if we ran out?'
Mil: 'I'd have to go to town.'
This flings itself out of my mouth while my higher brain is still racing along behind it frantically waving its arms and shouting, 'Wait! Wait!'
Margret responds with just the tiniest movement of her eyebrows. Absolutely minuscule. Sufficient in size, however, to make me wonder if I could get a UN resolution to have her bombed.
Mil: 'I have to get other things too.'
Margret: 'What things?'
Mil: 'What the bloody hell does it matter? Why can't I go to town if I want to, for God's sake?'
Margret: 'Why are you being secretive? What are you up to?'
Mil: 'I'm not up to anything.'
Margret: 'Yes you are.'
Mil: 'Like what?'
Margret: 'I don't know.'
Mil: 'Because there isn't anything.'
Margret: 'Yes there is - I can tell.'
Mil: 'There isn't.'
Margret: 'You bloody liar.'
Mil: 'You bloody mad woman.'
Margret: 'Tell me.'
Mil: 'Stop talking now.'
Margret: 'Tell me.'
Mil: 'I...'
Margret: 'Tell me.'
I think we've both risen to our feet by this point (it allows for better voice projection).
Mil: 'OK! OK! You want to know why I need to go up town, you relentless harridan?!'
Margret: ''Yes! You lying swine!'
Mil: 'So I can get your Valentine's Day card! So I can get your bloody Valentine's Day card and post it to here - so it'll arrive as a nice surprise through the post!'
A tiny flicker. It's the merest stutter of hesitation, though, then she's back on track before the beat is really lost.
Margret: 'You don't need to get me a bloody Valentine's Day card!'
(I can't imagine what makes her think she's going to get away with this move - she must be getting old.)
Mil: 'Too bad! Because I'm getting you a Valentine's Day card! And I'm posting it to you! Tomorrow! When I go to town!'
Margret: 'THERE'S NO BLOODY NEED!'
Mil: 'WELL IT'S GOING TO BLOODY HAPPEN - GET USED TO IT!'
And, indeed, I do go to town, buy her a card, and post it. Inside I write, 'Surprise!' She gets it on Valentine's Day and says, 'Thank you,' to me, through gritted teeth. (She gets me one too, by the way - it reads, "I'm not interested in a nice, normal relationship... I like ours better.")
Odysseus and Penelope? Pah - lightweights.
From "Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About"
http://mil-millington.com/
Freaking awesome. |
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listen to 4 others before you say anything. |
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